Today's devotion couldn't have come at a better moment (sarcasm). Yesterday, I had done something I shouldn't have done. Confession time.
So I'm sure you're wondering what happened, right? After discipleship with a friend i decided to drive my dad's bmw to costco for dinner. After we had grabbed dinner at costco she wanted to grab some ice cream. We left Costco with the hood down cruisin' through the exit of costco and was taking a right at the light. A homeless man was standing at the corner. I didn't look at him, I couldn't.
I felt humiliated for driving a really nice car that allowed us to travel so comfortably from one place to another. I seriously, couldn't look at him because I felt like I didn't deserve this nice car while he was standing out there asking for money. So much was running through my head during those 5 seconds at the light. He then asked my friend in the passenger seat, "do you have any pennies?" I couldn't actually hear him say that from the roar of the engine as I tried to keep the engine fueled with gas so we wouldn't stall. ( Also, I am still a beginner at driving stick so it is a bit scary for me to take my hand off the wheel) BUT THIS IS STILL NO EXCUSE FOR ME TO TRY TO SACRIFICE PULLING OUT MONEY TO GIVE.
So as i prepared for us to take the right turn to leave, I felt so uncomfortable because I knew I wasn't going to give money and I could feel my friend feeling very uncomfortable. I knew at any moment she was going to say to hurry and drive. A couple of seconds later i heard her under her breath say "hurry, are you going to go?" ( I don't remember if those were her exact words, but it was something like that). As she said that, I slowly pressed the gas peddle to zoom off but as we were leaving the homeless man says "You bitches!" My friend turned her head (and i swear the homeless man probably heard this) and in a surprised and shocked tone she said, "what the fu--?" almost saying the whole swear word.
After we left the corner, my friend started complaining about how rude the homeless man was and how she would never give money to a homeless person like that cause he was so rude and impolite. I couldn't help but feel guilty. I kept thinking "Jesus would have given him money. I should have. Why didn't i do it?" I put the situation in the back of my mind because it was out of sight out of mind. I forgot about it the rest of the night because I live in a wealthy area code where I can drive off in a nice car without a care in the world how that homeless man will eat tonight or find shelter to sleep under. And I can go back to a home with a bed that is warm and "safe" for me to sleep in. I forgot about it.
Then I was reminded of the situation by this morning's devotion. The story of the woman who had gave generously and in full trust that the Lord will use the money for good in the end. I feel terribly guilty about how it all happened and I definitely could have done something to create peace, but I chose not to because I was, AGAIN, scared to take action. I also feel stupid for not doing anything or saying anything in front of my friend. I swear God had placed that situation at a moment I would have least expected it and probably known that I wouldn't have done anything. I was not prepared. And how could I be prepared for this in the future?
Anyways, if you would like to know what the devotion was talking about it is down bellow.
Wednesday March 27, 2013
Jesus on Generosity (Mark 12 41-44)
Jesus sat down opposite the place where the offerings were put and watched the crowd putting their money into the temple treasury. Many rich people threw in large amounts. But a poor widow came and put in two very small copper coins, worth only a fraction of a penny.
Calling his disciples to him, Jesus said, “I tell you the truth, this poor widow has put more into the treasury than all the others. They all gave out of their wealth; but she, out of her poverty, put in everything—all she had to live on.”
My Journey to Generosity
— Billy Jack Blankenship, Minister of Children and Families, Solana Beach Presbyterian Church
During my final year at Point Loma Nazarene University in San Diego, I took a course called “A Theology for Communities of Faith,” a class that discussed what it means to be Christian. One element of the class was to spend a week at the Union Rescue Mission in downtown Los Angeles. The mission is on Skid Row, the most condensed population of homeless people in Los Angeles. In an effort to learn more about different communities, we fed the homeless, volunteered with a local congregation, and spent time on the streets to engage people in the area.
Our professor and tour guide was a man named Ron, a former pastor in the Los Angeles area for nearly20 years. Ron was one of the very few saints that I have ever met. As we walked around Skid Row, people came out of shops, stores, alleys, and churches to greet him. It was like walking with a famous person. For every street and sidewalk we toured, he had a sociological context to offer us and some deep theological nugget for us to ponder. One stop on our tour was the corner of Florence and Normandy, the site where the 1991 riots erupted. As we were talking, a homeless man—bearded, dirty, and wearing tattered clothes—approached Ron, asking for a couple of dollars so he could get something to eat.
Ron asked the man his name, chatted with him for a moment, and handed him a few dollars. As soon as the man walked away, one student (I will keep from naming him), with an annoyingly arrogant tone, asked Ron, “Why did you give him that money? You know he is just going to buy beer with it, or drugs even.” Ron, who is a very gracious person, paused for a moment, a good 30 seconds, looking off into the distance.
Then he said something that has forever changed the way I view giving, sacrifice, and Lent. He looked at the student and said, “True, he might do that. But, you know, when I think about Jesus and the sacrifice he made, so we may be freed to live life to the full, I am very thankful that he didn’t say, ‘God, I don’t want to go through with it, because some of them are not going to do right with what I am giving them.’” Ron continued, “Jesus gave freely. He didn’t qualify his giving based on whether people would reject it. He just gave. We give because we are supposed to, not because of how they will use it. It is never wrong to sacrifice for another. The more we practice giving, the better the world will be.”
