being okay with mistakes

Today I made many boo boos. I was working on this project for one of the editors and I kept making mistakes or wasn't being very detailed in my work. I was probably not being very careful in my work because I haven't been very enthusiastic or excited about work. And truthfully when I was doing the task, I didn't really care about it. But as I reflect on what happened today I realized something, God had just bit me in the butt at an unexpected moment.

She kept telling me to look over my work and rearrange the order of the reports. "Pick the ones that give the biggest story..." This took me two to three tries when it probably should have only taken me one or two tries if I fully understood what she had wanted. I can't really tell if I was frustrated with myself or that I really did not care that I had to keep editing the spread sheet. (Thankfully she is super patient and understanding through it all.) But I want to say in the back of my mind I was probably frustrated with myself. I wanted to seem like I didn't care that I had to keep editing the sheet over and over again. But at the last edit as she kept trying to get through to me at what she was looking for (but it just took me a long time to realize what she wanted by the third to fourth try) she says to me, "to be in this business you have to be very detail oriented... make sure you have things well organized from the story that will pack the punch and the rest of them in the other category that you think will be a good story" (those weren't her exact words, but it's close haha). She apologized for having me to edit the sheet so often in the end (so nice :)). But right when she said "...be very detail oriented", God had my attention.



For the past couple of weeks I was reading the beginning of a book called Courage & Calling and it got me thinking about how I was approaching my work. Do I handle my work with toil or care? And for the first couple of weeks of my internship, everything felt like toil and I was fearful of failing that toil (does that make sense?). When my work becomes toil I set myself up for failure.

From the beginning, God created us to take care of the work that is given to us; we should never take our work halfhearted. And I feel like this is something God has been challenging me to act upon, especially when times get tough or the work that I do isn't something that I enjoy. When I look back  I noticed when I feared to fail my work, the task looked like toil. I didn't want to do the work because I feared taking fail more in my responsibility. This translated into the kind of work I was producing "halfhearted work" or "getting the work done cause it has to".

I mean this isn't how I always function with all my work, don't get me wrong cause there is work that I REALLY enjoy but sometimes there is work that I hate doing (such as tedious work that will help me get to where I should be). I know what you're thinking "...but it is tedious work, that is why it is called tedious work!" But even the small things or most mundane tasks count, right? right.

I have never been the quickest person at doing math. As a kid I hated math, especially my multiplication. I have a very bad memory, so trying to remember the multiplication table took for ever. During ESL (yes, I had to go to ESL -.- I think at the time it was also a tutoring program and I practiced a lot on math) I would practice my multiplication table a lot to make sure I got it. I would always have to do work sheets and flash cards and look at the table for so long. I started hating multiplication because it was something I felt that I could never master or get over (confession). I mean I know how to do it and all, but it just takes me a long time to think of the answer.

And I think that has translated into the tedious/toiling thing. There are little steps to reach the big ending; it just takes time, practice and a lot of trial and error. Failure is never a negative thing (a good reminder). We only allow ourselves to think that it is because we've produced this idea in our minds that we should be perfect humans and that we should understand how to do things right away. But that is untrue. We all approach things differently, at different times.


poop. i am running out of thoughts. it's 1:06AM time to go to bed. Sorry if this entry is kind of poorly written or hard to read. I probably need to sum up my paragraphs better at the end to make them more congruent. i'll be back to edit (maybe ha). but anyways, im out. night.

Work willingly at whatever you do, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people. - Colossians 3:23 NLT

And yeah, I know I used this passage in the previous post... but it's appropriate :]

 No discipline is enjoyable while it is happening—it’s painful! But afterward there will be a peaceful harvest of right living for those who are trained in this way. - Hebrews 12:11 NLT

Hauling crates of peaches from the orchard to the shipping shed. Delta County, Colorado, September 1940. Reproduction from color slide. Photo by Russell Lee. Prints and Photographs Division, Library of Congress

Woman is working on a "Vengeance" dive bomber Tennessee, February 1943. Reproduction from color slide. Photo by Alfred T. Palmer. Prints and Photographs Division, Library of Congress

i LOVE old American photos, especially from the 40s....